Can
you cry under water?

People cant breathe under water so they cant physically cry. But tears can come out of the tear ducts
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How
important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

More important than you
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Why
do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Because you waste more time actually vocalizing your thoughts so you have to pay more.
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Once
you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in
for eternity?

No, you get issued new clothes. everyone wears the same thing
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Why
does a round pizza come in a square box?

Transportation purposes
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What
disease did cured ham actually have?

This one has been answered
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How
is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?

Because people still had other people still had other people to pull their luggage around
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Why
is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

When babies sleep, they dont like to be disturbed and look peaceful when they are asleep
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Why
are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Because you go in a cinema to watch a movie but TV is only ever seen on the TV
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Because people make it their life to find worthless things to spend money on
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Why
do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're
going to see you naked anyway.


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Why
is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

You have 2 butt cheeks
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Why
do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Toasters are not just for sliced bread loaves. There other forms of bread the need higher settings to get cooked
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If
Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

If you dont like the song then dont sing it
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Can
a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

It doesnt matter, the highways get shutdown for funeral transportations.
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Why
does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours?
They're both dogs!

Walt Disney was a racist Bastard and still believed people should own other people
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If
Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

He enjoys the sport of hunting like most Americans.
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If
corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

Baby oil is made for the use on babies
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If
electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?

Morality comes from morals, morons give the gift of stupidity
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Do the Alphabet
song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Yes they do
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Why
did you just try singing the two songs above?

I didnt
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Why
do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it
a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Asteriod belongs to the astros.
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Did
you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Pretty sure a nice cool breeze feels good on your face but if someone blows on you real hard with their bad breath and spit you would want to knock them out.