How many Conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
>Conservatives only screw poor people.
What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Republican?
>There have been numerous Elvis sightings.
What's the difference between liberals and conservatives?
>A liberal wins the lottery and throws a party.
>A conservative wins the lottery and complains that he has to pay taxes on it.
A liberal says "My glass is half full."
A conservative says, "Who drank half my water?"

Conservatives: Personal responsibility...yes Corporate responsibility...ummm