ONLY A MAN WOULD TRY THIS!!!!!!
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
>
> Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
> purchased
> his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
> submitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
> Pawn Shop that sparked
> my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I
> was looking for
> a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came
> across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the
> tazer were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
> affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
> safety....??
>
> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
> brought it home.
> I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
> button.
> Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
> pushed the
> button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same
> time; I'd get
> the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between
> the prongs.
>
> AWESOME!!!
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
> burn spot is on
> the face of her microwave.
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
> myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A
> batteries, right? There
> I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
> (trusting little
> soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that
> I really
> needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
> target. I must
> admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
> second) and
> thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I
> was going to
> give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
> mugger, I did
> want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I
> wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
> reading
> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
> directions in one
> hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a
> one-second burst
> would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
> burst was
> supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily
> control; a
> three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant
> flop on the
> ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than
> three seconds
> would be wasting the batteries.
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device
> measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
> (loaded with
> two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
> 'no possible
> way!' What happened next is almost beyond description,
> but I'll do my
> best.. ..?
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
> head cocked to one
> side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,'
> reasoning that a one second burst
> from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all
> that bad. I decided
> to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
> touched the
> prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . ..
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. .
> WHAT THE
> HELL!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
> door, picked me
> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the
> carpet, over and
> over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side
> in the fetal
> position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
> nipples on fire,
> testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked
> under my body in
> the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was
> making meowing
> sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture
> frame hanging
> above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid
> getting slammed by
> my body flopping all over the living room.
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
> with a tazer, one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second
> burst when you
> zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is
> dislodged
> from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor..
> A three
> second burst would be considered conservative?
>
> IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
>
>
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
> relative thing at
> that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left),
> sat up and
> surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the
> mantel of
> the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8
> feet or so from
> where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both
> nipples were
> still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
> Novocain,
> and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
> drooling.
>
> Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for
> sure and my
> sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
> head which I
> believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my
> nuts and I'm
> offering a significant reward for their safe return!
>
> P.S. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience,
> loved the gift,
> and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
>
> If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
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thats great
Barks better than it bites......