Speaking of balls, I read a joke in Reader's Digest a long time ago (10 years+). I might not get it completely right, but I'll try to tell it as I remember it.
The Commandant of the Marines and Chiefs of Staff of the Army, Air Force, and the Navy were having a nice dinner together. Naturally, each one bragging that his Branch was better, the conversation turned competitive.
"Marines have more balls than all of your people put together!" boasted the Marine Commandant.
"You're crazy, my people have more balls because they go in before all the rest of you!" retorted the Air Force General.
The debate raged with no end in sight. Finally, it was agreed that the issue would be settled by demonstration at their respective bases. The order of the demonstrations was settled by drawing straws.
The Marine Commandant was up first. Striding onto a live firing range, the Commandant roared at the first rifleman he encountered "Marine!".
"Sir, yes sir!" replied the Gunnery Sergeant with a crisp salute.
"Do you see that live machine gun nest over there?" asked the Commandant. "I want you to charge straight at it and don't stop until I order you to!"
"Yes sir!" hollered the Marine as he sprinted into the withering gunfire, where he was promptly torn to shreds.
"You see, men?" asked the Commandant. "Now THAT takes balls!"
The Army General's turn was next. They again met on a live-fire range, this one for tanks. "Soldier!" he bellowed at a nearby troop.
"Sir, yes sir!" shouted the Corporal as he ran up to the group of men and saluted.
"Soldier, I want you to stand right in the path of that approaching tank, and don't move until I order you to!" snarled the General.
"Yes sir!" exclaimed the Corporal as he ran and assumed his post. The Corporal promptly departed this earth in spectacular fashion.
"Did you see that?" exclaimed the Army General proudly. Now THAT takes balls!"
Now it was time for the Air Force General's turn. They met at a secret, remote air base. "Caaaaptain!" he shouted at a fighter pilot.
"Sir, yes sir!" exclaimed the fighter pilot with a crisp salute.
"Son, I want you to get in your jet and climb to 30,000 feet and then dive straight at the ground. Do not pull up until I order you to!"
"Yes sir!" was the Captain's reply as he raced to his jet. Meeting his target altitude he began his screaming dive to the earth. The order to pull up was never given and he crashed in a violent fireball.
"Now THAT, gentlemen" said the General haughtily "takes balls!"
Last up was the Navy Admiral. They met on the deck of an aircraft carrier for the final demonstration.
"Sailor!" the Admiral grunted to a nearby deckhand.
"Sir, yes sir!" the Seaman replied with a salute.
"Sailor, I want you to climb to the Crow's Nest on the highest mast and wait for my order!"
"Yes sir!" exclaimed the Seaman as he dashed away.
Some minutes later the Seaman was in position. "Sailor, now jump!" shouted up the Admiral.
"F*** you, Admiral!" floated down the reply.
The Admiral turned to the other officers with a triumphant smile. "Now THAT, gentlemen, takes balls!"
