haaha this might be the longest thread on the site lol
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haaha this might be the longest thread on the site lol
Cajun Math Test
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
"Here's your first question, the foreman said. Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred....So, when I start?!"
>What do you call a deer with no eyes?
NO-EYE-DEER!
>What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
STILL NO-EYE-DEER!
>What do you get when you cross an rhinoceros with an elephant?
ELE-IF-I-KNOW!
>A string tries to get into a bar and the boucer won't let him in saying the policy is that no strings are allowed! The frustred string twists and contorts himself and ruffles his hair and tries to get back in the bar. The bouncer recognizes him at once and tells him he can't let a string in the bar. The string replies "I'm A-Frayed-Knot?
A young man from Tuscaloosa, AL (yes this is an Alabama Dig, but no harm is meant. War Eagle!), bring his fiancée home to meet his parents. He's extremely proud, because she is really beautiful, wealthy and smart; however what he finds most attractive is that she's still a virgin.
When the boy tells his father about the girl's his father explodes into a tirade and announces his disapproval saying "Son...If she's a virgin we know she's not good enough for her own family. What makes you think she'll be good enough for ours?"
You must of got a box of Cracker Jacks this weekend :point:Quote:
Originally posted by rosscob@May 16 2005, 07:00 AM
>What do you call a deer with no eyes?
NO-EYE-DEER!
>What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
STILL NO-EYE-DEER!
>What do you get when you cross an rhinoceros with an elephant?
ELE-IF-I-KNOW!
>A string tries to get into a bar and the boucer won't let him in saying the policy is that no strings are allowed! The frustred string twists and contorts himself and ruffles his hair and tries to get back in the bar. The bouncer recognizes him at once and tells him he can't let a string in the bar. The string replies "I'm A-Frayed-Knot?
Bee Sting
A young woman dressed in shorts had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help ... and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee," she said. "Where," he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide." :lol:
here's you one to get you in trouble at work..but your kids will enjoy :smile:
Fw: Horses
Subject: Fw: Horses
> >Wait for the entire screen to load up with all four horses and a fence
> > > in front of them. Then click on each horse. Make sure your sound is
> > > > on. Re-click on any horse to make it turn off or turn it back on
> > > > again. Somebody did some real wizardry of programming to coordinate
> > > > this! TRY CLICKING ON THE HORSES FROM LEFT TO RIGHT THEN RIGHT TO
LEFT
> > > > AND THEN JUST ONE OR TWO AT A TIME... IT'S FUN AND A GOOD STRESS
> > > > RELIEVER!!! HAVE FUN!!
> > > > <http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaH...r/hestekor.swf
Cool Puzzle This will boggle your mind...Take your time and follow the
instructions. To advance, click on his hitchhiking moving thumb.
After reading each window click on the boy in the lower right corner.
In the last window type in your numbers in the white box.*****
************************************************** *******
You will be amazed....and no, I don't know how it's done...
Click here: http://digicc.com/fido/
>>
> Subject: How The Jews Got The 10 Commandments
>
>
>
> God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that
> will make your lives better."
>
> >And the Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
> >
> >And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
> >
> >"Can you give us an example?"
> >
> >"Thou shalt not kill."
> >
> >"Not kill? We're not interested."
> >
> >----------------------
> >So He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
> >
> >And the Mexicans wanted an example,
> >
> >And the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
> >
> >"Not steal? We're not interested."
> >
> >--------------------
> >
> >He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
> >
> >The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not
> >commit adultery."
> >
> >"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
> >
> >------------------------
> >
> >He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
> >"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
> >
> >"They're free."
> >
> >"We'll take 10."
> > Subject: Understanding Engineers
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE
> > Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
> >"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well,
> >I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
> >woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all
> >her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded
> >approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO
> >
> > To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
> >glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
> >needs to be.
> >
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE
> >
> > A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
> >particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
> >guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
> >don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
> >here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George!
> >Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't
> >they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
> >fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
> >year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
> >for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
> >special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
> >going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he
> >can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
> >
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR
> >
> > What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
> >Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build
> >targets.
> >
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE
> >
> > The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
> >graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate
> >with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with
> >an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX
> >
> > Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
> >possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
> >engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an
> >electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
> >connections." The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil
> >engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
> >area?"
> >
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN
> >
> > Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
> >Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
> >yet.
> >
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHT
> >
> > An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
> >was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said
> >he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
> >relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
> >the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like 'em
> >both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
> >will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
> >to the lab and get some work done."
> >
> >
> >
> > UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE NINE
> >
> > An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to
> >him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
> >bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
> >again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess,
> >I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
> >pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried
> >out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you
> >and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at
> >it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
> >matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you
> >for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
> >said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a
> >talking frog, now that's cool."