A pretzel riot?

The members of the Pretzel, Pennsylvania, Redevelopment and Social Event Society (PPRSES) hosted a pretzel drop at the town square on New Year's Eve. The idea seemed innocent and fun enough, but the townspeople in Pretzel, Pennsylvania are pretty serious about their pretzels, so instead of a festive gathering, the evening ended in a riot.

"Pretzels are known across the country as a snack that brings good luck and fortune to those who consume them" said Hal Mustard, President of the PPRSES, "so it's only natural to use one to signify the passing of one year and the beginning of another".

According to Mustard, the giant pretzel, which required 1,000 batches of dough to create, was baked by the local Auntie Anne's store. The pretzel weighed in at 750 pounds and measured 20 feet across. Once baked, the humongous pretzel was mounted atop the local bank building, the tallest building in town, in time for all the local Pretzel residents to come out and join each other for a New Year's celebration.

Based on accounts from several eye witnesses, the riot broke out almost immediately after the gigantic pretzel began its minute-long descent at 11:59 p.m. The entire crowd turned into an angry mob, pushing and shoving its way in a vain attempt to reach the spot closest to the pretzel that continued to drop. Before the pretzel could even hit the ground to ring in the New Year at midnight, a few locals scaled the building walls to take a delicious bite out of the pretzel. Seconds later, when the pretzel hit the ground at midnight, it was already half eaten! Throngs of hungry residents crowded the pretzel, each pulling off handful after handful of golden brown goodness or taking a bite for themselves. By 12:05 a.m. the pretzel was completely eaten.

Thankfully no major injuries were reported, only bumps, bruises and bite marks. The only real casualty was the enormous pretzel.

Happy New Year, pretzel lovers.

Twisted News - January 2008